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Be Yourself, No Matter What They Say. 5 Ways How

                                                                   Just be yourself.

Loved for who we are

Sounds easy. I’ve heard it many times, and for many years, I thought I was actually being myself.

The truth is, I wasn’t. I was pretending.

When someone asked me to do something, I did it. I often did not pause to feel what was right for me or what I wanted to do. Mechanically, I performed. I wanted to be liked. I wanted people to think I was smart, capable and nice.

I wanted to be the ”good girl”. I grew up with the idea that if i did what I was told, I was a good girl. I would get more smiles and less conflicts. I wanted to be loved. Not being liked was the most painful thing I could think of. So I adjusted to everyone at every moment according to what they wanted from me.

I smiled when I felt sad, felt guilt about feeling angry, and danced when i felt like sitting. In the meantime, I lost myself. I forgot who I was and what was important to me. I kept looking on the outside for approval, and lost what I now know is most important to me: My own voice.

My voice, my voice!! I get happy just writing those words! Our voice is makes us unique and extraordinary and is God-given. It is our light that guides us through life! Our sadness, our anger and our joy are all to be celebrated! Now I am the ”bad girl”. I’m the girl who says ”no” to things I don’t want, even if others think it’s wrong, and yes only to things I do want. And this helps me feel more alive. Setting boundaries and embracing our feelings makes us lighter and more energetic. Juicier. All of our feelings are unique to us, fresh and  true. What can be better that that? Pretending to be something else? I don’t think so.

If we listen closely, our voice is speaking softly to us  each and every moment. Our voice can often go against everything we were ever told.  That is ok. It just means something new wants to be explored and that something new wants to come through you. And that can be scary. Because each and every one of our voices is so unique and different, it can often feel alone.

But if we can have fun with it and transform it into something creative, what comes after can be magical. Sadness can become a beautiful dance, anger a beautiful sharing with a friend, and joy, the most amazing meal you ever created. Any feeling can be transformed into creativity. If that’s not magic, I don’t know what is.

That magic, your magic, then serves the world. And all you had to do was be yourself.

 

5 practices that help me be myself:

-Accepting and breathing with my feelings, including anger and sadness. They are all there to help me learn something and guide me. They are my sacred truth

-Accept that I have my own truth and was meant to live the life I truly want, not the life others think is good for me

-Follow my own voice and trust its intelligence and its goodness–no matter what

-Transform the energy of feelings into something creative such as writing or dancing

-Not taking myself too seriously. Relaxing and having fun!

 

I would love to read about ways your have learned to stay true to yourself.

 

Jivan Dios is a Canadian Family Constellation Therapist living & working in English, French & Greek in Stockholm, Sweden and on the island of Crete in Greece where she offers couples retreats, therapy & holistic healing.

 Online Therapy is also available.

contact jivan@opentherapy.se

+46.760.455.299

 

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why i never ”battled” cancer

Cancer didn’t just happen to me. It took time. I remember something within me trying to talk to me long before it decided to go it’s own way and become cancer.  It yelled and screamed. It made me uncomfortable. It made me sad. It cried and and made my belly tight. I ignored it. So it finally gave up. It was done with me. It hit the road and went it’s own way and took a whole bunch of other cells with it. They all became a tough gang called “solid tumor.”

I often notice the words people use to describe people with cancer.

“She is battling cancer.” “ He lost his battle with cancer.”

“His fight against cancer.”

After my own diagnosis, many told me to “fight” this cancer, that I “can win”. It felt as if I was suddenly in a boxing match that I could win if I only could only “fight” hard enough. At first I thought, “Good news! If I only fight hard enough, I can be healed!

I’m terrified here. I’m alone. I need to fight for my life…I’ll do anything! I’ll fight.  Just tell me what to do. I’m ready.”

So I put my gloves on, took a crouching position to protect myself and squinted. I looked around to have a look at the competitors who were…..me and…me again!

In one corner was a healthy part of me and in the other corner, there was the cancer that may be in my body, which is also me.

It got me thinking…who is my opponent? Who is the enemy? In both corners it is only ME. I looked around and could only see my own body. There was no enemy, only my own body. I realized there was nobody to fight. So I took the gloves off. And took a long, deep breath.

Then something unexpected happened as I released from the crouching. I no longer felt alone and terrified. I slowly began to smile more. I even danced. Almost every day.

I felt that I had been suddenly awakened and became aware of the precious gift of life. I became aware of the only vehicle I had for life: my body. I became aware of me.

By knowing that I did not need to fight my body no matter what its condition may be in, something deep began to relax inside. I felt a wonderful acceptance.  Then, a lightness came. I felt an openness surrounding me. I felt support all around me. And most of all, I felt love.

There was nothing to fight, fix or change. I felt like my own best friend.

And as best friends do, they listen, not fight.  So I listened to my body as a whole, and then I listened to my cells that were going their own way: the cancer cells.

They looked very intimidating. I was terrified.  But I still kept the gloves off.

Then I had one of the most beautiful experiences of my life: I dared to look at cancer straight in the face.  I was terrified but knew I had to listen. I felt it had something to teach me. So I listened. Humbly.  It expressed much sadness and hurt.  And it was angry; the same way children get angry.

Cancer was not the monster I had imagined. And it was certainly not the enemy. It was a part of me that reminded me of small little boy who was sad and lonely. And ran away from home.

It was a part of me that I had forgotten about. A part that I didn’t listen to.  A part that I hadn’t loved.  That part simply wanted to express itself and to be seen. Most of all, it wanted to be loved and accepted.

More than ever, fighting was not the right thing to do. How could I fight someone who’s sad and lonely? Sad and lonely needed a friend.

I knew after that listening experience that I needed to make some radical changes in my life.

There was no room for compromise. I needed to live life to the fullest! I needed to respect what that ill part of me longed for. Not easy, I tell you.  Why isn’t that easy, you may ask?  Because what we long for is often not what others would like us to do. And being a pleaser, this was especially difficult for me.

I still need to remind myself every day to listen to only me and nobody else.

I do this by staying very close to myself. Because there are a lot of voices out there in this big world.

I have to listen very closely, because my body is so gentle and loving…it only whispers.

I now trust that listening to my deepest voice can only lead me to health and deep love. It already has.

By listening, I am getting to know parts of myself I didn’t even know were there. And I like those parts. They are love. Love is always with me, no matter what. Cancer or no cancer.

 

Jivan Dios is a Canadian Family Constellation Therapist living & working in English, French & Greek  in Stockholm, Sweden and on the Greek island of Crete where she offers couples retreats, therapy & holistic healing.

Have you been diagnosed with a serious illness? You are not alone, and there is support. Online sessions are available. Visit her at www.opentherapy.se 

email jivan@opentherapy.se

tel. +46.760.455.299

 

 

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Feeling stressed? Read this.

It happens to all of us. We feel overwhelmed. We feel tired. We can’t focus on what we’re doing. This is what I call Stress.

You’re looking at that computer screen with a blank stare. You don’t remember ever having chopped those 2 onions. You think to yourself, “Let me just keep going”, even though something is just not feeling  right inside. You need to stop. Now. You are feeling stress.

Stress means that You are trying to tell You something and it’s time to listen.

First thing’s first. Close your eyes. Breathe. Breathe again. Look for a quiet space where you can be alone and relax, be it at work, home or (even better) outside. While siting down, feel your bum on the ground or seat. Feel how the ground or seat is supporting you.

Relax your body, or as many muscles as you can, and breathe. Ahh! Doesn’t that already feel better?

Now, let’s gently go a little deeper. Breathe through your mouth at a slow, steady pace for a few moments. Be curious about what you’re feeling. Notice any discomforts or pain in your body. Is your chest tight? Maybe your shoulders are tense. Do you have a headache?

Becoming aware of our physical sensations first can help us feel emotions we have a hard time with or didn’t even know we had.

While staying with your breath and these bodily sensations, you may begin to notice different feelings coming up. Are you feeling sad about that argument? Maybe you’re feeling angry with that colleague? You might even feel sad and are crying for no reason at all. Good. This is all very good. You are listening to and honouring yourself! This is the time to allow all of that to happen. It is actually more than ok to feel angry, sad and hurt. It’s called being human. The important thing is to take a few moments to actually feel those things and to allow it all without judgement, and not put them aside and “wait for later” cause “it’s not a good time”, and my personal favourite, “I shouldn’t feel this way”. All of these feeling are energies that need to be released, just like when you feel like dancing when you feel happy…it just needs to happen.

Energy needs to move!
Something amazing can happen when you express exactly who you are and how you really feel….You feel free and alive and You have become your own best friend. You were there for You!

Plus, you might even remember how many onions you chopped.

 

 

Jivan Dios is a therapist living and working in English, French & Greek in Stockholm, Sweden and on the island of Crete, in Greece where she offers couples retreats, therapy & holistic healing. Online Therapy is also available.

email jivan@opentherapy.se

tel .+46.760.455.299

 

What tools do you use when you feel stressed?

If you liked this post, please share!

And feel free to comment below….

 

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